Battle Cry
by Pleiadea
Summary: The crew handling life after Miranda and dealing with River's not quite healed mind. Different than my others but I hope you enjoy just the same! And of course there's hints of R/J
1. Chapter 1

She placed a boot-clad foot on the slimy man's throat and pressed down. Her gun was cocked and pointed right at his John Thomas.

"Now," her smile was poisoned chocolate; sweet and smooth with a hint of acid that would burn through your viscera, "hand the coin to the man in tight pants and we'll be on our way, love." She watched the man's face go from exhaustion to fright as the bag was tossed to Mal.

"No need fer killin, prettygirl," the man underfoot choked out. She gave his throat one last press and walked away with the tall, dark woman and man in the tight pants. Her hips moved like a snake in her skin-like black pants. She tossed her nut brown hair over one shoulder and looked back at him. Before he could pull his pistol his vision turned red and he passed out.

River looked to Mal and gave a shrug, "80% chance of a kill shot with your back turned, Captain."

"That's a good 'Tross," Mal placed a kiss on her forehead then Zoe coughed.

"Seems we drew attention to ourselves," she observed. "Let's hightail it." They hopped in the Mule with Jayne driving getaway.

"We git paid," he asked over the roar of the mule's ancient engine.

"Sure did," Zoe held up the bag. Jayne's otherwise stony face split into a grin as he floored it back to Serenity.

-o0o-

Kaylee was waiting for them on the ramp as the Mule sped into the bay.

"Good crime," she asked brightly.

"Very good jiejie," River gave the older girl a hug. When she pulled away, she noticed a spot of red on Kaylee's jumpsuit. She looked down and lifted her shirt to find a two inch gash on her side. "Ta ma de, Simon's going to flip." Jayne looked over to her after settling up the Mule.

"Musta happened before you took that bastard down. Git to the infimary sos yer brother can fuss over ya. I'd like to get the yellin over with," he sighed wearily. River bunched her shirt over the cut as to not bleed all over the Captain's shiny pretty ship.

Jayne watched her walk away in nothing but those tight black pants and the lacy pink bra she'd put on under that practically see-through green shirt.

"Starin again," Zoe warned him.

"Jayne," Mal started.

"Yeah, yeah. Jus been cooped up without leave fer a while. We gettin a break soon," he asked irritably. "Even lil Crazy's lookin good to me." Kaylee let out an uncomfortable giggle before running off to the cockpit to let their Pilot, Echo, know they were all set to go. She had seen the looks between the two killers. She may not be smart like Simon but she was bright. She gave Echo the signal and walked off. They had a rendezvous with Badger scheduled to drop off his cut.

-o0o-

"River," Simon scolded, "again?" He looked at his sister, no longer a child but a full grown woman. Her face was streaked with orange-red dirt and her shirt was bunched at her side. Despite her injury she was smiling.

"Wasn't their fault," she said matter-of-factly. "The man didn't play fair. Something had to be done and they were all too slow. Kept them safe. It's my job," she said proudly.

"You're worse than-"

"Much worse," she smiled as she lay down to allow Simon to irrigate and stitch her up. Kaylee came in to check on her and bring her a clean shirt.

"Captain says we're takin a few days on Persephone," she informed them. The mechanic looked to Simon, "Was thinkin' we could sleep out fer a night? Mayhap eat a real meal in a restaurant?" Simon was thankful his wife had simple tastes.

"That sounds lovely, BaoBei," he smiled warmly at her. "You pick a place and get all dressed up. We'll walk the world for a while." The looks between them were sickening. River felt a wave of affection pass between them followed by a spike of lust. Her face contorted as she jumped off the table.

"Gross," she playfully pretended to vomit and left them to their gooey thoughts.

"Brat," she heard Simon call from behind her.

"Boob!"

-o0o-

In the galley there was little to be found in the way of food but luckily someone had made coffee. She poured herself a stale cup and headed to the bridge to sit with Echo. Echo had come highly recommended by some of their less savory acquaintances. He was proving to be a good pilot and discreet about their dealings, which erred on the more often than not illegal side these days.

"Hey," she greeted him as she sat in the co-pilot seat. "Need a break?"

"Naw," he answered, leaning the seat back and steering with his knees. Echo was built like a man she read about one time, Ichabod Crane. Long, thin limbs with a hatchet face and close set eyes. His hair stood up in wild angles from his head and a permanent scruff of stubble graced his anvil jaw. "Thought you'd be resting. Zoe said you took a wound." Concern came off him in waves. River knew he thought she was pretty but he was still a bit frightened of her when she had a bad day.

"Nothing gege couldn't patch. Lived through worse," she smiled into her coffee.

Mal stuck his head in and found River who was studying their Pilot with a suspiciously dreamy look.

"Gunna Wave Badger," he told her, "and reckon it'd be best if you did tha talking this time, 'Tross. He likes you and he ain't been givin out the legal jobs like he used to. We need a break."

"Smile pretty, funny voice, ask nicely. Be demure," she asked, knowing full well that's what Mal had in mind. Over the years Badger had sent her gifts. Pretty dresses and fresh fruit. Flowers, theater tickets, pointe shoes covered with real silk. Fine things for a space merc. He liked her, alright. He was either trying to seduce her or hire her every time she saw him. She preferred farm boys from the Rim. She was drawn to their broad shoulders and rough hands. Their almost unintelligible accents and massive builds that made her feel like the small, delicate things she was no longer. She never kissed them, and never stayed the night. But farm boys made love like no one in the 'Verse.

" 'Allo, love," she greeted the small man on the screen. "Was wonderin if you had a bitta time for lil ol me?"

"For you, poppet," he smiled, "all the time in the 'Verse."

They negotiated a time and drop off place and she promised him that she'd consider being at the drop off if he gave them some clean work this time around. She usually was but not in any capacity that he'd notice. Kept to the shadows with a gun trained on him, or waiting for the perfect time to spring from her hiding space to snap his neck at the first sign of threat made upon her family.

She felt the girl slipping. She looked around the cockpit briefly forgetting where she was. The urge to shove the Pilot out of his seat and crash into the nearest moon or large piece of debris was overwhelming. Taking a deep breath she got up and headed to her bunk. Zoe had tried to talk to her on the way but all she remembered was screaming about wilted flowers on forgotten graves before gingerly climbing down into her bunk. She fished out the black leather case that held the syringe full of the medication that made her normal life possible. It was already loaded as she picked it up reverently, and slid the cold metal into the first vein she could find.

-o0o-

She woke up to find Kaylee holding her hand, and staring down at a book in her lap.

"Hey meimei," she whispered, wiping River's forehead with a cool cloth.

"How long," the younger girl asked.

"Jus a few hours this time," the other answered. "Didn't hurt no one. Just shouted a bit. Yer gettin better each time."

"But it still happens," she stared up at the ceiling and willed her tears not to come. She felt Simon's mind close by, probably standing outside her hatch. "Tell him I'm awake, please." She started to sit up slowly, her head feeling heavy with the thoughts of everyone on ship. After an episode it took a few hours to block the most of them out again. Echo probably wouldn't talk to her for a few days, fear coming off of him in spikes that pierced her. Mal would treat her gently until work showed up again and Zoe would pretend nothing happened. Times like this she missed Inara who would take it in stride. She would sit and braid River's hair, whispering soothing things or humming pretty songs. She taught River to do breathing exercises and visualizations to block out the unwanted thoughts. Simon and Kaylee would treat her like a little girl for weeks after. The episodes were becoming less and less frequent but they still happened and that made her want to rage more than anything. She needed a drink, and a tussle or a turn in a strange bed.

She carefully climbed out of her bunk after Simon had confirmed for himself her vitals were fine and headed to the galley where she knew there was an unopened bottle of the swill they brewed in the engine. She found Jayne had beaten her to it.

"Share," she demanded, sitting across from him and holding out her hand.

"Should you be drinkin after..."

"I will kill you with my crazy brain if you do not share the alcohol, Apeman," she warned. He handed the bottle over and she took a long pull, pushing it back to him.

"Ya okay Moony," he asked. If she didn't know any better he was worried.

"Will be," she fiddled with the edge of the table. "Wasn't your fault."

"I know. Jus can't help it sometimes. We're the Mercenaries. We keep Cap and Zoe safe, then each other. You shoulda been on getaway."

"No. No, no no, no! Be Jayne," she shouted. "Stop feeling bad!" She quietened down once she realized she was shouting again.

"Fine," he relented, taking another drink from their shared bottle. "Was yer own fault fer showin off. Iffn ya weren't so feng-le ya wouldn't-a gotten cut up. Better?"

"Thank you," she sighed.

"Anytime. By tha way, Badger is expectin ta see ya at drop off. Waved Mal while you were out. Says no legal jobs without seein' ya." A feeling of anxiety hit her hard but she couldn't figure out who it was coming from. She looked at Jayne wide eyed and shaking, suffering the effects of whoever felt this way.

"Mal. Bad." She took a long drink from the bottle until she couldn't feel anymore.

-o0o-

They docked two weeks later, preparing to meet with Badger. River lined her eyes in kohl and painted her lips a deep shade of red. She decided to don one of the fine dresses he sent her. She piled her hair on top of her head, leaving a few curls down around her face. She preferred her black trousers and thin shirts but if it meant getting a job which they weren't being shot at she was willing to make the sacrifice. On the way down she ran into Echo, who had the top of his flight suit down with the sleeves tied around his waist. The white undershirt he wore had a yellowing stain around the neck.

"You look nice," he offered awkwardly.

"You're dehydrated," she pointed to his neck. "You smell like urea and ammonia. Stop drinking coffee. No alcohol."

"What?"

"Ya smell like piss," Jayne translated as he handed River her pistol. "Git some water in ya. Hey Moony, lookin' like a real girl fer once. Where ya gunna put a gun on that thing?"

River lifted her skirt to the top of her thigh. High enough that the two shocked men caught a glimpse of her black panties just next to the thigh holster Jayne recognized as the one he got her for her 25th birthday just past.

"Tongues in mouths, boys," she winked and walked away after loading the gun into its hiding spot.

"She's crazy, ya know," Jayne warned. "Not all there all tha time. And yer not her type."

"And you are," the pilot asked, attempting to straighten himself to stand as tall as the Mercenary. The larger man just laughed and walked away.

Surprisingly she had to do very little flirting once Badger saw her. She borrowed some of his childhood experiences from his head and re-worked them as her own. She graciously accepted the apple he gifted to her and gave him a kiss on the cheek as they left. Once they were far enough away from him she threw the bright green apple in the nearest bin.

"It felt wrong," she explained as Zoe gave her a puzzled look. River unpinned her hair and shook it out then accepted Mal's handkerchief to wipe the paint off her lips. When they got back to the ship, Kaylee was waiting for Simon in the cargo bay. She was dressed in a blue dress that looked like it may have belonged to Inara. It was a much better choice than the frilly pink things she used to favor when River was younger.

"Hey jiejie," River greeted her. "You look so shiny. My brother is lucky." Kaylee gave the younger girl a smile as Simon lead her out of the ship, informing Mal that they had a Comm on them. After River got changed she caught up with Jayne.

"Drinks," she asked.

"Yeah, could go fer drinks. Mal? Zoe?"

"I'm staying with Echo," Zoe informed them. "He owes me another round of cards. Yall have fun."

The trio found a small out-of-the-way bar on the far side of town. River went right up to the bar and ordered a triple whiskey. Mal found himself in a conversation with a group of other former Browncoats, leaving Jayne to drink with his crazy partner.

"War stories," she asked, pressing a drink into his hands.

"Yeah," he downed it in one gulp. It burned nicely going down and he ordered two more. "Can't let it go can they?"

"They shouldn't have to, Ape. Violence shapes people like us. Be it imposed, chosen, or enjoyed. Or all three," she smiled as she shot back another dark drink.

The night ended with River making off with a young, broadly built man about her age. The man was entranced by River's hands roving over his body as they danced. Jayne managed to find some strange in the restroom, taking the woman up against the cracked tiles and getting his relief in her before heading back to the ship, still pleasantly drunk. Mal came stumbling in at sunrise still smiling and bidding his new war buddy a farewell. Zoe guided him to his bunk, leaving him a couple of re-hydration tablets she had gotten off of a sleep rumpled Simon.

River got in just before breakfast, and found Jayne lifting in the cargo bay among the crates that had been deposited in the night.

"Good night," he asked.

"As ever," she answered simply. "He wanted me to stay the night but, you know. So I went to visit her."

"Don't ever get easier, Moony," Jayne wrapped an arm around his partner. "We all miss her."

"That's not what you meant." His lips brushed the girl's temple and River shuddered. "Stop."

"Nah, 'spose not." She pulled the vision of her sitting at Inara's elaborate grave from his head. She saw the Companion's face in his mind, the tight scar crossing her right cheek and eventually her eyes rolling back in her head. Blood. So much blood.

"Unpleasant," she shook her head and pulled away from him.

"Sorry. How I remember her the last time. Block me out."

"It gets dangerous when I don't know what you're thinking. Last time..."

"Yeah I know."

"I know you know," she gave a weak smile.

Echo observed the two killers from the catwalk. The massive Jayne and small, bird boned River looked strange together. Everyone assumed Jayne was the dangerous one but he'd seen River in a frenzy. Her dance of death both graceful and frightening. and Jayne with his brute force and love of violence. Their accuracy coming from River's ability to read his next moves and their connection running deeper in battle. Sometimes after a job he caught them touching softly in the hidden corners of the ship. Comparing scars and injuries or sitting close together while they cleaned their gritty, blood smeared weapons. It wasn't the paternal affection Mal administered or the reassuring sibling closeness she shared with Simon and Kaylee. Or even the protective, shielding stance Zoe took.

From what he understood, the crew saw her as a daughter, or a little sister. He'd fallen uneasily into the family dynamic they all shared. Sometimes when he dreamed of the girl he felt like the creepy uncle banned from holiday celebrations. Last night he breached the subject briefly with Zoe.

"When I met River she was but a 15 year old girl," the Warrior reminisced. "All headsick and unpredictable. I wanted her off, so did Jayne. Even lil Kaylee was scared of her for a while. Then we saw what was done to her."

"What," he had asked, hoping to get an insight.

"If she wants you to know, she'll tell you." She shuffled the cards again. "But you're not going to like the answer. People died for it. Jayne saw to it. Mal saw to it. Even Doc administered his own type of Justice over it. Dare say I gleefully partook. They took something from me as well."

He had vaguely known about Zoe's husband. The Miranda broadwave, Reavers created by the Alliance and in the far reaches of the 'Verse people still whispered about the weapon shaped like a girl who had defeated them.

Once they were back in the Black, their routines resumed.

They each took watch on the bridge, with Echo checking in once in a while like and good Pilot would. When not on watch, he liked to sketch. Trees he remembered from his childhood on the Rim, faces long gone but always remembered, the crew, the engine (much to Kaylee's glee), far off moons. Zoe stalked about the ship, never sitting for too long. Mal would sit in the disused shuttle for hours talking to himself. Simon and Kaylee would go off to their bunk at any opportunity, not that anyone could blame them. It was really the only thing to do out there. Jayne would punish his muscles for hours in the bay. When he wasn't doing that he would be sharpening knives or sparring with River:

"Instincts must stay sharp, Apeman," she teased him as she broke out of his grip.

"Yer bones'll break jus as easy as the next guy's," he came back and pinned her to a crate. He pointed the dull practice knife at her heaving chest and wrapped his hand around her throat. "And now yer dead."

"I let you win," she panted, sweat plastering the hairs that had escaped her ponytail to her neck and forehead. She cocked her head and brought her lips to his ear. "I always let you win." He threw down the practice knife and released her.

"Crazy," he muttered as he walked away.


	2. Chapter 2

They made the drop and got their cut, the recipient having wired Badger his fee. The crew found themselves on a relatively safe moon on the Rim, flush with credits.

"Four days, max," Mal shook a finger at Kaylee who had given him puppydog eyes while listing the repairs they could now afford. "If it can't be done in four days, it aint gettin done, dong-ma?"

"Wo dong," Kaylee jumped up and down and placed a kiss on Mal's cheek.

"Since when do the womenfolk on this ship run the show," he shouted to no one in particular. River laughed at the memory Mal had from when he was younger, his older sisters dressing him up in a frilly dress and parading him around the homestead. They so wanted a baby sister. His weakness was making the ladies he cared about smile. She uncurled herself from her hiding spot in the spare shuttle. She couldn't enter Inara's old dwelling so took to hiding herself away in the other one. There was an unpleasant flash of Kaylee and Simon making love in it but once she located Jayne's mind she was able to block it out. Currently he was listing all the parts of his favourite gun, Vera. He must be showering or working out. She had come to recognize the thought pattern over the years. The former was to pass the time, the latter was to keep his focus off the burning in his muscles. She walked out onto the catwalk to find the bay empty. With bare feet she picked her steps carefully and slowly. She liked the hum of the old ship running through her body, the coolness of the metal transferring to her hot feet.

Before her she saw orange, which meant Echo was near. Echo was orange, Zoe was an earthy green like matured plants and late summer leaves, Mal was brown as if he could be any other color, Kaylee and Simon shared a purple what connected them no matter how far away they were from each other, Jayne was blue that was sometimes a cerulean when he was happy or drunk but cold go navy in the middle of a fight. On one occasion it turned to a sky blue like was seen over the ancient oceans, right after the blast doors opened on Miranda.

"Echo," she called softly.

"Echo, echo, echo," he called back, getting fainter each time. It was a silly joke they shared after she told him the myth of Echo and Narcissus.

"I'll find you," she teased.

"Find you, find you, find you." She rounded the corner and dug her fingers into his sides. This elicited a very unmanly squeal from the Pilot. He turned to chase her, but tripped over a bit of uneven grating. She stopped in her tracks and turned to laugh at him. His color darkened to a beet red that matched his face. Embarrassment. She held out her hand and helped him up.

A vision struck her of him pressing her up against the wall and kissing her hard. Her lips bruised and the metal made her back cold. She could feel it as it it was happening so she backed away from him.

"No," she shook her head, pressing her hands on her temples.

"Hey," he reached out to her but she backed further away. "River, hey it's me. You okay?"

"Never," she shouted. "You're not him. No kissing!" She made her way to the common area outside of the infirmary and sat on the couch. The very confused Pilot followed her at a safe distance in case she was having an episode.

"Did I think too loud," he asked sheepishly.

"Yes. Sorry," she curled up around a pillow.

"I wasn't going to do anything. You're pretty. I like you. But I wasn't going to touch you," he offered, kneeling beside her. "I like you but I'm scared of you. Nothing's going to happen between us. No use lying to you. You'd know anyway wouldn't you?"

"I see all the lies we tell to each other. White and black and grey lies. Red, red looks better in red. Not smart but bright. Should have been me. Silk and sweat. Could have stopped it. No one not ever. If only I'd stayed. Blood and whiskey and sex and weight and..." her eyes glazed over as she trailed off until her words were soft mutters into the pillow. The only word he could make out was 'Simon.'

He watched as her brother administered the drug and lay her down on the couch. Mal covered her with a blanket as she dozed off.

"They gettin worse, Doc," Jayne asked, running his hand through his short hair. The younger man sighed and put a hand on the Merc's shoulder.

"I can't tell anymore," he gave Jayne a knowing look.

"But she's lucid more offen than not, yeah? She weren't violent this time."

"It's a battle we're winning very slowly, Jayne, But just because no one got hurt doesn't mean she's getting better," he looked to the older man sadly. Echo saw something pass between the two men. He understood where Jayne was in the family now. The larger man stalked off, cursing under his breath. If he didn't know the man so well, Echo could have sworn he was going to cry.

Jayne sat in the bay, drinking and idly strumming his guitar. Without looking up, he called to the Pilot to join him.

"No use hidin, boy," he told him. "I been trackin since I was a littlun. Could smell ya and that go-se you splash on yerself from a mile away." He handed Echo the bottle. He took a long drink, gagging on the burning liquid. "Ya gotta be careful whatchya think round Crazy. Ya break her again an I won't feel bad bout breakin ya. Somethin unimportant sos Mal can't get too cross at me."

"Um," he choked out, "thank you?"

"Yeah, no problem." They sat in companionable silence for a while when the sound of soft footsteps made them both look up. Jayne shot a stern look his way. "Better Moony?"

"Won't ever be," she smiled as she descended the stairs. She walked gracefully over to the two men who had sat themselves on the floor. She sat between them and grabbed the bottle from Echo. After taking a big swig she turned to Jayne. "Stop. Be Jayne."

"Well at least ya didn't cut up on no one," he said passing the bottle to Echo. "More trouble than yer worth."

"Thank you."

"Always, Crazy." She leaned her back against Jayne's arm and fished his knife out of its sheath on his leg. The Pilot looked worriedly to the Merc. "She just likes it. Binky done saved our asses one time."

"Now she talks to me," River informed him. "Likes to be useful. The episodes aren't getting worse," she looked at Echo. "But they won't get better. Simon doesn't know yet. I know, I'm there...no chance at a normal life. So sad. Baobei," she mimicked his accent. The last word came out more like a brother crooning to a baby sibling. "Don't pity me. I have my family. I am happy. No, I am me." She shot Jayne another look. "Stop."

"Weren't you."

"Was too, stop."

"Fine." She left, and the two men decided to go take their drinking party out of the ship.

-o0o-

After a few strong drink of a local brew traditionally used to strip paint, Mal and Simon joined them.

"So why does she tell you to stop all the time," Echo finally asked Jayne.

"Yer not tha only one gets inapp- inaproit-"

"Inappropriate," Simon cut in.

"Thanks Doc," Jayne clapped him on the back and turned back to Echo, "thoughts bout 'er," he was slurring. Mal started to wag a finger at him but was stopped by Simon who got him up to get more drinks.

At the bar, their tray was loaded up with glasses and a fresh bottle.

"Leave it," Simon told Mal.

"Yeah, yeah, " Mal relented. "Jus she's my 'Tross."

"And my meimei. They aren't doing anything about it. Their working relationship is good, more often than not he keeps her on track, and he respects her. Wow, I can't believe I just said that."

"Mus be what goin mad feel like?"

Just then the cool night air gusted into the bar. When the men looked to the door they saw River and Kaylee enter. Kaylee spotted Simon and came up to him, stealing the drink out of his hand and downing it. He placed a long deep kiss on his wife's lips, then had an inspired idea.

"Tequila," River said to the bartender. "And lemons. Salt."

"Why meimei it's like you read my mind, " he smiled at his sister, drunkenly.

"Because I did, Boob." A drunk next to her was getting loud while she was waiting for her drinks so she elbowed his face. A pleased smile graced her lips as his head fell onto the bar. She took the tray to the table that found her partner, the Pilot and her captain chatting merrily at.

"Hey Crazy," Jayne greeted her, grabbing a chair for her. "Didn't know yud be joinin." He voice was rough from the smoke of his cigar and the shouting needed to be heard.

"Mr. 3% had the inspired idea of tequila shots," she motioned to Simon who was kissing Kaylee's neck. Seven years or marriage to an affection woman will make even the tightest of men loosen up about public displays. Echo picked up a shot glass and poured himself a drink. Just then River lay a hand on his wrist and stopped him. "Salt first." He licked the back of his hand and sprinkled the salt onto the wet patch. He licked the salt off his own hand, shot the tequila then hurriedly grabbed a lemon wedge. One he sucked the juice out he hissed, spitting the rind onto the table.

Next Mal followed, taking it a bit better than the Pilot did. After him, Kaylee licked salt off of Simon's neck, finishing her shot by plucking the lemon from between his lips. The table next to them erupted in hoots. Jayne was next but as he went to lick his own hand, River's wrist appeared in front of him. She tilted her head and gave him a lopsided grin. He watched her face and he ran his tongue over the soft skin of the inside of her wrist. Her eyes started to flutter closed as he licked again, taking the salt from her skin. After he poured the tequila down his throat he took the lemon from her fingers, letting his lips linger on the tips of her fine boned hand for a little longer than it should have.

Echo leaned over to Mal, "Wait but this is okay?"

"Yeah they do this, then go separate ways until morning," he motioned to River where a boy had come to talk to her. "She ain't a little girl. Woman grown an as long as they aren't messin up jobs we're a-okay here. She never goes off with anyone when she's batty, she's a smart girl." He saw Jayne had started to lean into a blonde woman. Their backs were to each other but they still touched at the hips. River looked at Echo sternly.

"No. We're not," she said with finality.

"Didn't-"

"Thought it. We're not." He took that as his cue to head back to the ship and relieve Zoe of her watch.

-o0o-

He found Zoe sitting in the Pilot's chair talking to herself sadly. No, not to herself. Someone named Wash. He left her there for a while, just wondering the ship until he heard Mal and Jayne come clambering up the ramp.

"Where's River," he asked the two drunks.

"Off with some cornfed," Mal answered. "Right mean lookin bastard. She sure has a type," he shot Jayne a look.

"What," he asked, feigning offense. "I aint never touched 'er! Aint my fault I'm such a 'xample of mascul-uscl-masculinity." He smiled as he managed the last word out, "I'll comm 'er in a coupla hours." The two men stumbled off to their bunks. He assumed the doctor and his wife had found a place to hole up for the night. About a half hour later his comm hissed.

"Reavers" River said through the static. Before she could even get the whole word out, Zoe, Mal and Jayne were running out of the ship, calling to him to get her fired up and ready for a speedy take off. It was amazing how quickly that word sobered people up. He rushed to the cockpit, flicking switches that made the whole bridge light up and come to life. Kaylee rushed in a few minutes later, her face flushed and panting.

"When we go," she started.

"Full burn. Hard thrust. We get 30 seconds at 3g and we should be far enough," he finished. She nodded her head. "Where are the others?"

-o0o-

The bar was in chaos, chairs and drinks spilled over, people practically trampling each other. River stood in the middle of the pandemonium, calm as a marble statue. She walked carefully out of the door, against the wave of panicked bodies. She spotted Jayne in the distance and felt for his mind. Her axe, he had it. She was wearing her gun, Darcy. He was in a second unholstered, cocked and pointed to the skull of one of the Reavers. Taking a deep breath she smiled as she put a bullet through the head of one of the monsters that came toward her. Just as another leaped to get on top of her, Jayne tossed her the same axe that had taken down so many. She cut him in half mid air. She felt Jayne try not to panic as he pulled her by the arm away from the gore. They shot and cut down any of the boogeymen who got in their way until they got to the port. River spun and kicked her way through the three that were gathered at the entrance to the ship, allowing the others safe entry. In one motion, she slit three throats while spinning on her toes like a mad ballerina. Zoe grabbed her around her waist and pulled her in as the airlock engaged.

"Hold on, ta somethin yall," Echo's voice came over the comm.

Jayne looked at River who was holding on to the railing at the bottom of the stairs.

"Shiny," they said in unison.

"Stop," she scolded.

"Sorry," he smiled, not meaning it.


	3. Chapter 3

"We aint leavin' without the money," Jayne leaned across the table to the man in the dusty Stetson who was trying to withhold payment. "We done delivered what you done asked fer."

"I think what my associate is trying to say," Zoe said calmly, "Is that you either hand over the credits or you pay with your life. Either is cash money to us. You're a wanted man."

"Three heartbeats," River studied him. "All still and in the ground. Flatlined by your knife. If I'm not mistaken," she smiled cruelly as the butt of the her gun pressed into the criminal's leg. "All over some small time contraband." She tutted like a disapproving mother. The girl could put on quite the show when occasion had it.

"Ya hand it to Cap over there," Jayne motioned to Mal, who sat a safe distance away, "and we'll ferget ya being such a dumbass bout it." Zoe's long nails tapped on Mare's Leg and Jayne trained Vera on the man's back as he got up, escorted by River to where Mal sat. Once the money was handed over she smiled sweetly at him.

"I'll take that too," she held her palm out to him. He sighed and handed her his pistol. She glanced sideways to Jayne. "Back."

He got up in a flurry, kicking the thug who was creeping up behind him. Zoe pulled her gun and shot a lighting fixture down over another's head. River swept her leg out in one fluid motion, taking down the main man. She knelt on his chest and leaned in to his face.

"No power in the 'Verse can stop me," she whispered almost seductively. Her pink tongue darted out to wet her lips as she shot out both of his knees. Mal came to drag him to the Mule where they'd drive him to the far border of town.

Throwing him a canteen of fresh water he winked:

"Didn't think I'd let them kill ya, did I," the Captain asked, smirking. "Pleasure doin business with you!"

-o0o-

"No," she shouted at Zoe who stood with her arms up against the sink in the galley. "There wasn't anything I could do! I can't see the future accidents happen!"

"Hey little one," the Warrior started cautiously, "I wasn't saying that, meimei. Wasn't even thinking it."

"Your thoughts were blaming me," River sobbed as she fell to her knees in front of Zoe. "You lost so much and it's all my fault! Feng-le Moonbrain Crazy! STOP!" She gripped the fabric of the older woman's trousers and screamed into her thighs.

On long stretches in the Black this happened. People got wrapped up in their loathing and she picked up on it. Echo was grateful he didn't have any great tragedy in his life for her to pick up on.

"River," Zoe sighed. "Please get up. Nothing that happened was your fault." She helped the younger woman up and walked her toward the infirmary.

"It's not an episode," River broke away from her and stopped walking. "I'm not having one. I'm not. STOP!" She held her head in her hands and cried so hard her body shook.

"Shhh," Simon approached her carefully. "Maybe you just need to have a sleep."

"Eternal sleep," she wailed. "Bullet in the brainpan..."

"Hey," Jayne pushed through them all, "no talkin like that." He put an arm around her shoulder and led her away from their concern and their thoughts that grabbed at her like unwanted lovers. "Focus on me, yeah? Tell me what yer seein." She took a shaky breath and wrapped her arms around his neck. A strange gesture she'd never given him before.

"Trees," she said into his chest. "Fell from one when you were a boy. Broken leg. Ma cried for days. Hit your head, thought you were a goner. Once you healed you went back up the same tree. Is this a metaphor?"

"A what? No? I think," he asked confused.

He gathered her up in his arms and carried her to the infirmary. Mal was sure he saw the big man press a kiss to the little merc's head. Once the harsh lights hit her eyes her grip on him tightened.

"Tricked me," River accused weakly.

"Had to."

"I am a Babu," she said softly. "A domovoi, the monster in the closet, sack man, llorona. A cautionary tale. Take warning by me, never place your affections on a green growing tree."

"Nah," he smoothed her hair as Simon injected her. "Jus a bit crazy." He looked at Simon sadly. Simon gave him a look that said 'I'm so sorry.'

"Stop," River whimpered.

"Pain in my ass," Jayne told her, softly.

"Kiss me," she asked sleepily.

"Go to sleep, Moony."

"Astarte." She fell asleep on the auxiliary bed in the Medbay.

"Is that the name of some other Reaver factory," Mal asked sarcastically.

"Ancient warrior goddess," Simon said, devastated as his eyes followed Jayne out of the room.

-o0o-

Echo wandered around the ship, stopping once he got to the cargo bay, looking down on Jayne who was lifting his weights with a recklessness that was familiar after one of River's bad spells.

"Right," the Pilot started. "So when I first came on, I knew she was a bit off. But this is getting a bit much."

"Then leave," he suggested, huffing. "She aint never gettin better. We can jus hope they get further apart."

"In the past year she's had six," Echo observed.

"Well she used ta be like it all the gorram time," Jayne told him, annoyed. He sat up. "Ya weren't there during the bad times, buddy." The man lifted his shirt and pointed to a scar running across his chest. "Ya don't know what she were like at the start. I hated her fer a long time. Only after I knew what those bastard Blue Hands did ta her, well then I saw her different-like. Saw them all different. Then Miranda. Whoo boy piloting a pirate vessel aint nothin compared to the hurt on Miranda. She begged us to kill her. Put her outta her misery. Save ourselves and fer the first time in my life I weren't lookin ta save my own hide only."

"Then why do you act like you hate her when she gets like this?"

"She needs it. Iffn she knew it all, it would kill her when she gets like this. I aint about lookin out fer myself no more. I got a job to do. Keep Cap and Zoe safe on jobs. Watch River's back. Help Kaylee with liftin. Keep yer sorry ass from gettin a spear in tha chest..." His face dropped. The memory of Was was ten years away but still painful.

"Her thoughts scatter like those very leaves on the wind," they heard from somewhere far away. "She is not herself right now. When she returns she'll find you first."

"Thanks Moony," Jayne said into the ceiling.

"Don't tell Simon. The other is a tattletail."

"He won't," Jayne assured her, looking at Echo.

-o0o-

In the engine room, Kaylee wiped away her tears, leaving a smudge of grease on her cheek.

"Hey Baobei," Simon greeted her.

"Hey Si," she sniffled. "Oh poor Riv. This were a bad one, huh?"

"Yeah, it was but she's already run off to hide so her reaction time to the medication is getting better," he told his wife, hopefully.

"Do you think they love each other," she asked, sounding like a child who had been denied the ending to her favorite story.

"I'm not sure she can. I think Jayne might though. Echo was quite taken with her as well."

"She says he's too skinny," Kaylee informed him. "And I think now he's just happy she hasn't yelled at him. Never found it curious that she carries on with Rim boys?"

"Oh, I think even our resident Ape had figured that out," he chuckled, "but that doesn't equate love. She may just appreciate the physical form."

"They're all him," came a soft voice from the vents. "They're all him in her head. She doesn't have to tell him. He knows. Doesn't read minds but he knows women."

"Get out of there, meimei," Simon scolded the vents.

"No. Boob."

-o0o-

Mal and Zoe sat in the common area solemnly.

"I was thinking that she could have stopped it," the Warrior admitted.

"I know," Mal said reaching for her hand. A rare show of affection between the old friends.

"I know she couldn't. I just get so angry. But not at her. At them."

"We all do."

"She gets angry too," the vent told them. "World on a platter, pitter patter, splatter splatter splatter. No riches, no balls, no children. Only pain for her now. Mal. Bad."

"Hey yer not bad, 'Tross."

"She is. Not right. Not all there. But then again she doesn't have to be."

-o0o-

Later that night, Jayne felt a weight at the end of his bed.

"Is she back," he asked the figure.

"I'm back. Can't sleep," she crawled up the bed.

"What are you doing?"

"Getting in bed with you."

"No yer not, feng-le. Git out."

"You don't want that," he could hear the smile in her voice. "All that pretty girlflesh just achin' to be touched," she mimicked his accent. "So perfect, so beautiful."

"Dun matter what my head's sayin, my mouth is tellin ya to git outta my bed. And my brain."

"Even in your dreams you can't bring yourself to touch me," she faded away. His eyes popped open, searching the room for her form. His eyes rested at the corner where he found her curled in a ball.

"Don't worry," she yawned. "Was a dream. Nightmare," she said sadly.

"It's gettin harder to pretend, Moony. Ya back," he asked.

"I'm back. Have been for a few hours. Came in here because it's warm and the girls can keep us safe." She stood up and sat on the end of his bed. "Stop."

"Weren't you," he lied to the ceiling. "Dun flatter yourself."

"Words kill, you've seen it. And one day you'll slip and say it out loud."

"Words can save people," he offered. "Remember Book?"

"Kneecaps. Special hell," she smiled.

"Go fuck a farmboy," he nudged her with his foot.

"Whoremonger," she came back.

"Crazy."

"Stupid." He paused before opening his mouth only to have it covered with her tiny hand. "No. Stop."

"Sorry. Ya are. Ya been since you grown up."

Tears shone in her eyes, refusing to spill. "Astarte. Artemis. Athena. Kali. Stop."

"I can't. You should leave. Block me out fer a while."

"I don't think I can anymore," and with that she was gone.

-o0o-

His thoughts were not angry at her, and hadn't been for years. Not since the day those blast doors opened and he saw her, covered in blood and wielding the crude Reaver weapons. He remembered everything about her in that moment: the blood matting her hair and the gore dripping from her silky dress, the way that despite all they'd lost that day she quirked a little smile at him.

River lay in her bunk and let his thoughts wash over her. As much as they weren't awful like they used to be did not mean they hurt any less. Thinking of the 18 inches of metal that separated them was comforting. His thoughts came at her in flashes:

She slashed him across the chest.

Copper for a kiss.

The blast doors opened and she was covered with blood.

Kali.

Shiny.

Her skirt hiked up to show him the holster.

Artemis.

Taking her against a wall in an alley somewhere.

Eyes following her out of the bar as she walked off with someone who looked like him.

Shooting the Blue Hand in the head.

Athena.

Tongues in your mouths, boys.

Her hair brushing his arm as they cleaned weapons.

She kicked a purplebelly away from Kaylee.

The smooth skin just below her ribcage.

That word.

Stop.


	4. Chapter 4

She laid in the strange bed, twisting the thin sheet between her red raw fingers and turned her head to the man who was next to her. The night was cold but the windows collected the condensation of their love making. The room had a warm mustiness to it. Not worth the coin he paid.

"Yer okay darlin," he drawled thickly, with tired arousal.

"As ever," she smiled. His sandy hair splay over the overstuffed pillow in a sunburst of curls. His thick jaw stretched into a smile as he brought his hand to her shoulder.

"Again?"

"Why not," she bit her lip and climbed on top of him, willing his hair to darken. The green eyes that stared up at her turned to ice chips against swarthy skin. When she looked down her fingers reached out for a long, thin scar that wasn't there. He stretched his neck up to kiss her and she stopped him, pulling back. "No kissing," she sang.

"Bit a freak, huh?"

"Sure." She closed her eyes and flipped on to her back, and made herself picture someone different.

-o0o-

Jayne fisted the woman's dark hair as he drove himself deeper and deeper into her, as if he could lose his mind for a while and know what insanity truly felt like. He could be like her.

"Slow down, sugar," she urged. "Ya aint gunna last the time ya paid fer."

He suddenly withdrew and gently pushed her to the side, panting and staring up at nothing.

"Gotta go anyways," he said shortly, pulling his clothing on recklessly.

"Aint even done here," she ran her fingers over his well-muscled back.

"Dun matter," he handed over some extra coin to the woman. "Git some sleep. I'm goin ta drink."

"I could come with ya. Walk the world with ya fer a bit."

"Nah, ya take this extra and feed yerself up. Yer a mite skinny."

"I thought you liked em skinny. Dyed my hair just fer ya." He had visited her thrice when they last passed through and she swore up and down there weren't none better than him. She was always hopeful he'd come visit her again.

-o0o-

They both walked up to the ship a few hours later, meeting on the ramp.

"Good night," he asked.

She hesitated and lifted her hand to his face sadly. "No."

"Me neither."

"Stop."

"Sorry," he walked ahead of River, feeling her eyes on him.

He made his way to the common area and sat heavily on the couch next to Kaylee. She closed the romance novel she was reading while Simon took inventory in the infirmary for the millionth time. She studied the large man who looked no better than a stray dog. Desperate and a bit dangerous but sad down to his core. This is was different look for the unapologetic Mercenary. When she'd met him, he'd leered at her and Inara. He swore and spit and told mean, crass jokes at the table. He still did those things but they seemed fake. They seemed like a character he was playing.

He still liked getting paid and a good whore and a strong drink. A cheap cigar and a pretty gun made his face light up but nothing made it brighter than his partner. He'd watch her carefully on jobs and after they'd talk softly where they thought no one could see them. Mal came in to see Simon about his newest set of stitches.

It had been six months since River's last bad day. The night she came down to his bunk and told him that his words would kill her. Kaylee and Mal knew he thought about leaving the ship and nights like this Mal could hardly blame him. He'd seen what unrequited feelings did to people. He was still living it.

-o0o-

The next morning, River and Jayne stood in the bay, sparring with unloaded guns and dulled practice knives (more for Jayne's benefit than hers).

They circled each other slowly until one would lunge for the other. Defensive holds, offensive strikes, hands lingering on pilfered weapons. Once, in an ill timed hold, his thumb dragged along her bottom lip. It felt like wet velvet and he wondered briefly if she felt like that inside.

River trembled and threw her weapons down.

"It's clouding your judgement," she shouted at him. "Smooth skin and wet sex won't save you in a fight!"

They began again, picking up their weapons and loading them into their hiding places. Her leg wrapped around his, bringing him down flat on his back. She pointed the unloaded gun to his head. "Dead."

They restarted, his arms coming up under hers and joining at the back of her head. She tried to headbutt his nose but was thwarted by his strength. Her hands were held just out of reach of her knife. He titled her head to the side.

"Dead," he whispered in her ear, letting her go. She spun to face him, chest heaving.

"I let you win." He turned his back to her. In a motion he spun, throwing his knife toward her torso. It pinned her to the crate she stood in front of, piercing her skirt but not her skin. He strode to where she stood in shock, pressing his hips to hers. Their noses touched as he grinned:

"No ya didn't." She shook as he pulled the knife from where it was embedded.

"Stop."

"Yeah, yeah. Just teasin," he placed it back in the sheath that usually housed Binky. She let more of his thoughts in:

Breakfast

Help Kaylee get engine parts

Shower

Stop thinking about her

1 Londinium, 2 Londinium

Hole in her shirt

That word

3 Londinium, 4 Londinium

He was getting better at not letting it bother him. Wasn't he?

-o0o-

Badger sent them another legal job after a few smiles and terms of endearment shot his way. River insisted he work out the details with Mal and gave the Wave over to the Captain.

"Do you feel good doing that," Echo asked, genuinely interested.

"I don't think about it," she answered simply, stirring the pot of protein mush Simon had prepared under the guise of dinner. Her little nose wrinkled at the smell that wafted up.

"Find that hard to believe. You think about everything all the time."

"No harm. He likes me. Men like me so I'm just using it to my advantage."

"Sure you didn't train as a Companion," he joked.

"I would have made a terrible one. Unless someone had a Crazy fetish."

"Some guys like that," he pointed out. No need to clarify who they were talking about.

"It means a breakdown of the familial hierarchy," she lamented, grabbing a packet of crackers from the cupboard. She popped one in her mouth and chewed thoughtfully. "These are gross," she handed the packet to Echo. "Eat them."

"You just said they were gross."

"Yeah but you'll like them, I swear," she shook it under his nose. He pulled a face and ran away.

River chased after him laughing. He rounded a corner and hid in the nearest stairwell.

"Echo," she called from far away.

"Echo, echo, echo," he faded.

"Come out," she stepped carefully, looking for him.

"Out, out, out," he called from his hiding space. Before he knew it, a rain of vile crackers showered over his spiked hair. "Ugh!"

Her laugh rang like a bell through the ship. Echo thought for a moment that when she acted like this is was hard to believe there was anything wrong at all.

"It's always going on in there," she pointed to her head. "I'm good at pretending to be normal lately." She smiled and shoved the last cracker in his mouth then ran off.

"Oh Buddha, I'd prefer Simon's cooking," the Pilot exclaimed, wiping his tongue on the stained shirt he wore under his flight suit.

He found her talking to Mal as if nothing happened, shooting him an amused look.

"Legal jobs mean less danger," the Captain continued. "Appreciate it, 'Tross." He pressed a kiss to her forehead and made his way to tell Zoe the good news. River got that far away look again that usually signaled an episode. He backed away carefully.

"No," she said gently, smiling. "Not bad."

-o0o-

Simon was surprised when River dragged his wife into the infirmary and sat her down.

"She needs a blood test," his sister ordered. "And a vitashot. And rest. And footrubs. And kisses."

"What? I dun understand-" Kaylee started.

"Just do it," River smiled, leaving to sit in the common area and await the news. She sat next to Jayne, still smiling.

"What's got ya so goofy," he asked, not looking up from his whetstone.

"Good news," she answered.

"Oh yeah? New job?"

"That too. But better. Now we wait." She sighed happily and rested her head on his shoulder. She hummed some song she picked up from his thoughts. "Write your mother."

Three hours passed before Simon and Kaylee emerged from the infirmary to everyone gathered on the couches, looking at them expectantly.

Kaylee's eyes were still red rimmed and shiny but her face broke in to that 1000 watt smile she was known for. Simon wrapped his arm around her waist and took a deep breath. River felt the urge to shout it out but left the privilege to them.

"So it seems we're havin a baby," Kaylee said excitedly.

"In seven months," Simon informed them. River jumped up to hug them and gently patted Kaylee's still flat stomach. Mal kissed Kaylee's cheek and shook Simon's hand. Zoe's tears were a shock as she wrapped them both in fierce embraces saying 'thank you' over and over. Echo congratulated them from the back of the group as Jayne clapped his hand over Simon's shoulder and ruffled Kaylee's hair.

"You knew," Echo asked River a few days later as they sat in the cockpit en route to their next job.

"Just a little flutter," she motioned in front of her eyes. "Oh, but so strong. They're so happy." She smiled wider than he'd known her to since they met.

"So you can pick up on stuff like that. You can read Jayne's next move. Zoe's pain, Mal's regret, my...whatever goes on in my head. But..."

"You like flowers and Math. And his thoughts about me are too intense," she answered, still smiling. "They must be kept at a distance. Love is not a child's plaything, especially coming from a man like him." Her eyes searched the room and she got up. "I know now. I have to go."

She found him rummaging around for any food that wasn't Simon-made.

"The crackers are gross too," she warned. "Made Echo eat a bunch by force. Was a fun game. Did you write your Mother?"

"Yeah," he answered, passing on the crackers.

"About me?"

"Yup."

"About Kaylee?"

"Yup," he kept his back to her but he could feel the heat radiating off her body as she got closer.

"About Echo?"

"What?"

"You're jealous," she observed. "I play with him. He's happy and smiles and is uncomplicated."

He spun to face her. "Never thought I'd see the day that someone thought I was complicated."

"You're not. You're very single-minded," she reached down for his hand and raised it to her cheek. His hand was cool and rough against her flushed face. She breathed in deeply the peat smell of his soap, the spice of his sweat, the soft cotton smell of his worn shirt. "It won't kill me. I see it now. I saw it today. Love gives people purpose. Your life was drifting until you felt it. With us, here," she waved her hand around her. "You carry my pain with you, don't you? It's not just sex. It's love." She closed her eyes and inhaled sharply.

"Don't mean nothin, Crazy," he sighed dejectedly. He knew this dance. They'd done it for years.

"Folie a deux, madness shared by two," her tear fell onto his hand. "You don't believe it now, do you?" He searched her face carefully and lowered his hand.

"Come on, Moony," he ushered her to her bunk. "Git yer meds."

"Stop."

-o0o-

The job went off without a hitch and given the probability of that happening, their Captain decided it was cause for celebration.

River caught Jayne before they head out for the night. She reached under his shirt and scraped her short nails over the scar crossing his chest. He hissed and grabbed her hips, slamming her against the wall with lips barely touching. His grip on sanity was more tenuous than hers in the past few weeks. She'd been tempting him, whispering sweet words to him any time they were close enough. He'd slipped one night when she'd visited him late and let her sleep in his bed after the plea that her feet were cold. He still didn't kiss her, didn't say he loved her, didn't find his relief in her. He made no attempt to reclaim his sanity. He called her 'Goddess' and nuzzled her neck in the safety of his bunk and she begged him to touch her the way he did in his mind and in his dreams. He still could not do it.

"No whores," she told him sternly, pulling on the scruff of his neck.

"No farmboys," he demanded, wrapping a hand around her throat. She bared her teeth as he gave a tug on her hair and let her free of his grip.

Of course no night out was complete without some kind of altercation. They were all sitting, enjoying the liquor Mal had so graciously supplied for his crew. Zoe and Mal laughed over some private joke and Echo made a fool of himself dancing around one of the many poles mounted to the reinforced tables. River had taken a spin on it, much to the chagrin of her brother and Captain. But then there were shots fired, barely missing the smaller Merc. She dropped down and drew her gun and looked over to Zoe who was already shooting Mare's Leg over the shelter of a tipped table. Jayne was hollering at Simon to get Kaylee out of the bar and once he saw the back of the couple, he turned back to the action. Echo was belly-crawling toward the same door and managed his way out as far as River could see. She shot Jayne a smile and started shooting at the band of marauders who were making every effort to leave a trail of corpses, stripped of their meager riches. It seemed for as many as they got down three more popped up in their place.

"Get Captain and Zoe back to the ship," he ordered her.

"And leave you here," she asked wildly.

"Do what I say!"

She dragged the two veterans out but their beltloops, still shooting. Once they were a safe distance she put her hands on her knees and took a few deep breaths.

"Go back, make sure everyone's okay. I'm going back in," she told them.

"No, he ordered you out," Zoe said, trying to drag the smaller woman away.

"GO," she shouted, running back into the maelstrom. She searched the room for Jayne and found him behind the bar, gun trained on the back entrance where he was managing to keep them at bay. People were still scrambling to get out and she stepped aside letting them pass. She shot one man who was coming up behind Jayne and he gave her a smile.

"So beautiful," he thought. She smiled back as she spun and kicked another in the head. Once she righted herself she saw him go down, a blood stain spreading over his stomach. She screamed as his eyes rolled up in his head and he fell.

She sat outside the infirmary, placing a weave over Mal's bicep and trying to swallow her worry. Echo sat in the chair to her left with a bandage that was rapidly turning red over his ear. Zoe nursed her sprained ankle and tried to patch up River's eyebrow that was sporting a hefty cut.

"No," she shrugged off the touch, staring blankly at Jayne's still form.

"When he wakes up you don't want to look like a piece of overripe fruit," Kaylee said gently.

"If," she told her sister in law. "You're thinking if."

"Meimei," she put a hand on her shoulder. "He'll be fine. He's strong and Simon's takin good care of him." She sat and let Zoe stitch her up, not taking her eyes off of him.

Simon finally emerged, throwing his bloody gloves in the HazMat bag.

"I've stopped the bleeding," he rubbed his forehead. "Gave him blood for what he lost. Now we just wait."

The machines around him buzzed and beeped and the light hurt her sensitive eyes.

"You come back to me," she ordered him. "Wake up!" She wasn't getting anything from his mind. A great nothingness of drug-sleep.

"Wake up," she shouted again. She was slipping. It had been so long she almost had forgotten what it felt like. "There's been so much blood in our lives I want it to stop! STOP! Wake up! Think something! Be Jayne!" She shouted at the prone body on the operating table. Echo tried to lead her away and she swung at him. "No! NO! I'm fine! She's here." She didn't remember anything after that. She woke up in the spare bed in the infirmary. Her head hurt and she felt her mind touched by all the worry of everyone on board. She pulled the blanket up over her face and lay there trying to be dead.

"Shhhh," she heard in her mind. "Shhhh, don't go Crazy again."

"Jayne," she said out loud. "Jayne?"

"I'm alive. But I need ya to be you when I come to. And I will come to."

Simon came in and checked the machines.

"How long was I out," she asked.

"Three days," he took her pulse and kissed her forehead. "He's improving. Had some hand movement yesterday," he tried to smile through his exhaustion. "Meimei, can I ask you something?"

She got up and wrapped the blanket around her shoulders as she grabbed Jayne's hand and placed it between hers.

"Meimei," he tried again. His sister's eyes had deep purple hollows under them. During the three days she had woken slightly, crying and grabbing at the air, sobbing her partner's name.

"I know what love is," she looked at him sharply. "Love is a battle cry, a requiem, a stiletto in the side. It's a reason to fight. It starts and ends wars, and lives. Love makes weak men warriors. It's a fever that burns away sickness." She returned to stroking his hand.

"Guess you do."

"Wake up," she whispered. "I'll be good. I'll be normal. Just wake up."


	5. Chapter 5

Mal talked to the face on the screen quietly in a rushed manner.

"Yall convalesce here," she woman insisted. "We aint got much but we can git you a few clean beds and shelter fer the crew while they recover." They were a two day flight from Deadwood, already headed toward the brothel when he called Petaline to ask her a favor. "Ya mentioned yer Merc's hurt. Wouldn't be that Jayne Cobb would it?"

"Still is," he answered. " 'Spose he won't be givin ya much business what with a hole in his gut."

"Ya bring them right on here," she said with finality. "We'll look after yall."

"Will wire your fee, Pet. Thanks." And the connection dropped. Mal sat there for a moment with his head in his hands. Petaline and the girls had been refuge for them a few times over the years and she was always willing to help them out. For a small fee of course. She was sweet, not stupid as everyone had taken her for. She was proving to have a good business head and had managed to pay off the property Heart of Gold stood on only five years after taking the place over. Mal got up to inform the rest of the crew of the plan.

River knew the moment the deal was struck and started talking to Jayne again.

"Pet's putting us up," she informed the sleeping man. He had been out five days total, with tubes jutting out of his mouth and arm. "No whores for you, Jayne Cobb. Hands to yourself, Mister." She smiled and went back to reading, sat cross-legged on the ledge adjacent to his sickbed. She recited Invictus to him, hummed a song she made up, just stroked his head and quietly implored him to wake up.

That's where Mal found his two Mercs. River had laid her head on his slowly rising and falling chest, a book closed around her thumb. Her hair was spread out across his torso. He never saw a more tender scene in his life and mused that of course it would involve the two most violent people he'd ever met.

-o0o-

They landed on Deadwood right near the shining beacon of a brothel, met by Petaline who had Caleb's hand gripped in hers. She had aged well over the past 11 years, her dark hair cropped short but flattering making her look more like a pixie than retired whore. Her round face had lost its puppy fat and even though there was no respite to be found from the punishing sun on their dusty moon, her skin was milk-pale with a flush of rose gracing her high cheeks. Motherhood agreed with her. She was a whoosh of skirts and a jangle of bracelets as she went to hug Mal in greeting, her face lit up in a grin.

"Mal Reynolds," she crooned. "Good ta have yall back," she patted his back and moved down the line to kiss Kaylee and Simon, shake Zoe's hand and embrace Echo. She stopped at River and took the young girl's face in her hands, "If you don't look so lost, girl."

River gave her a watery smile and hugged her fiercely. Caleb ran up to River, took her hand and lead her into the large house while chatting away about the pea shooter he'd made. Despite the boy's parentage, he was growing into a sweet child. Both sensitive and intelligent but tough enough to survive on the Outter Rim.

"Yall can have run of the kitchen while the girls are working," she informed them, warning Echo not to lean against the yellow enameled Aga stove. "Top three bedrooms have been cleaned and sheets washed. Showers and all are still where yall remember. Can ya move the big guy?"

"He'll have to stay on the ship, he's hooked up to machines there," Simon explained. "Thank you so much, Pet." The rest of the crew echoed his thanks.

"Hell," she slapped her thigh, "sure thing! Yall helped us out back when. Least we could do." A blonde woman about 40 came in and greeted them, searching the group for the massively built man who had always gave her a visit.

"Hiya Bex," Kaylee greeted her brightly.

"Kay," she hugged the mechanic. "Where's that mean ol killer ya got on board. He aint left ya has he?"

"Bex," Petaline warned, "he's infirmed. And even if he weren't we'd be havin words on it." One time when the crew visited Petaline had sat up with River, watching her heart break silently as her eyes followed the two out. River had just spent the night drinking quietly, while Petaline had explained gently: "Girl, he's prolly jus waitin fer ya to get growed up." She was only 20 then, and her mind was still very sick.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw River smile at Bex being reprimanded.

-o0o-

His eyes started to flutter open. It hurt at first, as if the muscles had forgotten what to do. He tried to move his arm but found it restrained and tubes sticking out. He looked around to find himself in the familiar medbay of their floating home. He tried to call for someone but no sound would come. He just huffed in frustration and cleared his throat. He tried shouting again. No sound.

Gorramit.

Hopefully Simon would be along shortly to fuss over his machines. He lay there counting the tiles on the ceiling, listing all Vera's parts, trying to remember how many freckles were sprinkled across his partner's nose, the last time they lay in his narrow bed together he had counted them. Were there 32 or 28? Finally he heard the door slide open but no one entered. He tried to lift his head to see but found his neck too weak.

"He's awake," the voice shouted. "Simon! He's awake." And before he knew it a pair of hands cradled his face. He looked up to see whiskey brown eyes and an ecstatic smile, touched at the corners with crazy. He noticed she was in a pale, flowing skirt and a small tight sleeveless top. Her wrists were adorned with tin and turquoise bracelets. Someone had braided her hair intricately. That meant one thing. "You woke up," she ran her thumbs over his cheekbones. She looked like she was going to cry.

"Couldn't leave them to look after yer crazy ass," he rasped, barely audible. She laughed and got up to drag the doctor over to him.

"He came back," she told her brother excitedly.

"Well hello there Jayne," Simon smiled, relieved. "Seems you have." He started checking over his vitals and feeling around the wound for signs of infection. "You may have some trouble talking. We had to intubate you for a while. Careful walking around for a few days, you've been laid up for a while."

"Tell him how long," River said.

"A week, Jayne." His eyebrows raised and he winced as he tried to sit up. He felt River's arm wrap around his side and take some of his weight. "We're on Deadwood right now. Petaline has been nice enough to house us again." Deadwood. He knew it. Jayne looked imploringly at River.

"Kaylee's fine," she assured him. "Been making her rest. We all have."

He touched her cheek and she leaned into his touch. "I'm better now."

He cleared his throat and tried to speak again:

"Tol' ya I'd come to," he remembered.

-o0o-

He managed to limp to the brothel, flanked on either side by Zoe and Mal. River ran up ahead to tell the others that he was coming back. She caught her breath and joyously exclaimed:

"He's coming," to the girls sat around in the kitchen. Kaylee stopped stirring the pot on the stove and wiped her hands in the dress with little mirrors sewn on to it that one of the girls had given her. She joined River just outside the back door and saw the huge man walking carefully, stopping once in a while to lean on either Zoe or Mal. Bex came up behind them.

"He just gets more and more handsome with age, don't he," she sighed dreamily. River shot her a stern look.

"Don't think handsome is the right word," Kaylee giggled. He finally reached the door and River took his hand, leading him to the table.

"Simon says no solid food for a few days," she placed a bowl of broth in front of him. "But you must eat to regain your strength."

"I'm starvin, woman," he argued. "Was lookin forward ta a steak!"

"Doctor's orders," River crossed her arms over her chest and stomped her little bare foot on the terracotta tiles. The big man just rolled his eyes and started spooning the clear soup into his mouth.

Just outside the kitchen, Simon was talking with Petaline.

"She's much better, Doctor Simon," she observed. "Ya done real well."

"She's not entirely there sometimes," he told her. "She gets overwhelmed sometimes and the insanity creeps in. But she hadn't had one in the six months leading up to Jayne's injury. I'd call that winning a war we thought we were destined to lose."

"And hey," she messed his hair, "congratulations Doctor. Heard ya knocked up yer cute little wife!"

"I suppose we're not waiting to tell anyone then," he laughed.

"Hell, we're one big family aint we? No secrets here, sugar." Caleb ran past them to sit next to Jayne at the table. He was telling Jayne all about how his Momma let him have a BB gun and could they shoot cans out back and could they go trapping lizards and could they climb the rockfaces? "Caleb," the mother scolded happily. "Mister Jayne's jus taken a bullet ta the belly. Dun go mitherin him."

"He'll be well enough ta play with Bex," the little boy whined. "Sos he can play with me too. And Miss River and Uncle Mal." The logic of a child never failed to make Zoe laugh. The big man turned red and put his spoon down.

"Aint gunna be playin with Bex this time, little man," he said, giving River a meaningful look. "But I reckon I'm well enough ta take ya out back and shoot at some cans."

That night Kaylee cooked dinner for all the girls before the house opened for business. They always appreciated the woman's cooking and having grown up on a farm Kaylee could cook up some amazing food by Rim standards.

River took Caleb to the upper portion of the house where Petaline had their living quarters, removed from the bright lights and raucous laughter of the dealings below.

"I know about sex now," he told her proudly. "It's how Momma got me." River smiled as she caught the thoughts coming off of him. A man and a woman laying in bed together hugging and kissing. They weren't naked but she figured he would know about that soon enough. He was such a sweet child and somehow his mother managed to keep him sheltered from the business that went on while he slept, dreaming the adventurous dreams of a little boy. "Can we visit with Mister Jayne?"

"Let's knock," she told the boy softly. "Don't want to wake up the grizzly bear." She scrunched up her nose and made a growl. She brought her hand up to his door to knock but found it opened at the slightest touch. "Hello," she sang quietly.

"Mister Jayne," Caleb called a bit louder. Just then Jayne burst from a wardrobe, hefting the small boy over his head and growling before tossing him onto the mattress. Caleb whooped with laughter as River tickled him saying "Oh no, the bear's awake!"

Out of breath and red faced, the two visitors lay on his borrowed bed and tried to catch their breath.

"Feeling better I see," she said, as she sat up.

"Fresh air and sun this afternoon musta done some good, Moony." They had spent the afternoon shooting cans with the little boy as promised. River ran to re-rack the cans and she saw in Jayne's mind the way the breeze fluttered her floor-length skirt and teased free from her large braid the short hairs around her face. "29," he had thought once she got closer.

"Freckles," she smiled at him. Then her face fell as she touched his stomach softly. "Not yet."

"Do you two want to play by yerselves for a while," Caleb asked innocently, bringing Jayne back to the present. He realized he was staring at his pretty partner who had lay back down in the mattress and was twisting some loose hairs between her fingers. He bid the little boy to bed with the promise of another shooting lesson after breakfast. He returned to his room to find River sat up against the headboard, wringing her hands in her lap.

"I'll never be better. I'll never be normal. I lied to you when you were sleeping."

"I know what, Crazy. Came back anyway," he said gently, sitting next to her.

"I'm not womanly like Bex either," she lamented at her sparse figure. It was true she was more straight up and down than the women he usually liked and sometimes went days without eating after a bad spell. He stretched his long legs out in front of him, copying her position on the bed.

"She's far from my favourite whore."

"The brown haired one. You like her best. She's sweet and gentle and a little nervous. Like a little bird. You made her cry last time."

"Yeah, dun feel good about that."

"I've been inside the head of the lovers you bring to the ship. You don't know the effect you have on women. Suppose it comes from not being traditionally handsome. But they all fall in love with you a little bit...stop." It was the first time since she'd had her epiphany that she'd told him to stop.

"That scare ya?"

"Yes. I've lost enough of my mind. I can't afford to get any more taken from me. Folie a deux. Two by two."

"Hey," he tucked her into his side, "none of that. I done killed em, remember?"

"For me," she asked.

"Fer you."

As Zoe passed their open door in the hall, she looked in to the small room. Jayne and River were sat, fully clothed on top of the blanket covering the bed, side by side. River's head had fallen on to his shoulder and their hands were woven together in her lap. Zoe did them a favor and shut the door quietly. If Mal or Echo passed to disturb the scene she was sure someone would be losing a limb.

-o0o-

Echo sat on the ship, happily sipping the tea one of the girls from the brothel had brought him. He popped a dumpling in his mouth and smiled at her. She had almond shaped blue eyes and jet black hair that hung stick straight down to her waist.

"Ya want some company," she asked, shly.

"Grab a seat," he motioned to the co-pilot's chair. She was a ruffle of synthetic taffeta and a click of low heels as she sat looking out the windshield.

"Looks almost pretty from up here," she said, not taking her eyes off the orange and purple sunset. "It's easy to forget sometimes."

"We're out in the Black so long sometimes that I forget as well. But the stars," he ate another dumpling then held the plate out to her. She accepted and nibbled it daintily. "The stars have their own cold, still beauty."

"Ya have quite a poetic soul, Mister Echo."

"When given the right inspiration," he mused to the rapidly approaching night in the distance.

-o0o-

In the Madam's room Mal lay in her bed, sweating and naked. Petaline propped herself up on her elbow and looked over to the handsome older man.

"Somethin on your mind, sugar," she asked sweetly. It had been years since Inara passed and Petaline was the only one he sought refuge in for all that time. Her ways weren't as refined as his lost love but she was open and kind and honest to a fault. She reminded him of sunshine back home and the fluttery way farmgirls kissed. He understood why she had been so popular.

" 'Tross and Apeman have found themselves in love after all this time," he confessed.

"Hell, you didn't know!?"

"And you did," he turned his head to his pixie lover. "Hades, I'm sure they didn't even know until a few months ago."

"Yer underestimatin those two. Reckon they've been goin on..." she paused to think, "three, four years now?"

"Jayne's been lusting, River's been...doing whatever she does."

"Please," she huffed playfully, "I sat up with the little girl goin on five years ago while she done drowned her sorrows in my rice wine over that big lug. She were more heartsick than headsick that night. Cried about how she'd never been well enough to give him what he wanted and how she weren't woman enough anyhows. Poor girl."

"What do I do?"

"Not yer place, Mal," she said honestly. "They need ta come to an understandin. Whatever's holdin them back's between their ownselves. Maybe a couple of weeks on my rock will help them along."

"You're too good to us, Pet."

"None of that. You helped me at my lowest. It's thanks to yall I have everything you see. And my sweet baby boy," she smiled. "You saved us all."

"Not all."

"Sweet Nandi. All us older girls miss her dear."

"Y'aint old," he kissed her neck. "ya get prettier everytime I see ya."

"You charming rogue," she squealed. They spent the night making love to people long past in their heads, grateful for the friendship that allowed them to do so.


	6. Chapter 6

A week after they arrived at Heart of Gold, Simon deemed Jayne to be healed. He was able to drink and fight and partake in any of the other pleasures he had missed. It surprised everyone to see him steering clear of the blonde he favored when they stayed there. Petaline gave Mal a knowing look as they sat around the bonfire one night, listening to Jayne and River harmonize a howling melody that originated on the home star. Caleb sat between his Momma and Uncle Mal, finishing off the barbecue Aunt Kaylee made them for dinner.

Echo sat with Sharee, who had joined him for dinner on his watch every night since they arrived. She would tell him stories from growing up (which wasn't too long ago) with 14 brothers. He'd wax poetic about the Black while her slim fingers mended clothes for the house. She'd taken to wearing her normal attire around him: plain homespun dresses and flat shoes. He thought she was quite beautiful without her face painted. She let herself smile genuinely around him. He also liked that she wasn't crazy and in love with someone else. It helped.

"We're shipping out next week," he told her that night before they headed to dinner. "I could talk to Mal and Pet, see if we could hire you on as cook or something. Kaylee's going to need help in a few months with the baby and all."

"You're awful kind, Mister Echo," she averted her eyes as he grabbed her hand, "but I'm a whore, honey. I can't cook and I sure as hell can't fix an engine. My place in the 'Verse is here." She wouldn't let him see the tears shining in her eyes. "But when yall need ta come back, I'll clear my schedule for ya. It's well easy. Bex used ta do it for Jayne."

"You're better than this, Shar," he dragged his hand down her other arm. She had to be the prettiest thing he'd ever seen. All innocent and farm raised. She'd listen to him talk with such captivated eyes that he couldn't help but feel something for her. She was lovely inside and out.

"That's real sweet that you like me enough to want to believe that. But I aint. Can't cook, can't fly, can't shoot, can't hardly read. I do what I can. Yall come back and ya got a place in my bed, honey."

He'd payed Petaline mostly everything he had in the 'Verse to hire her for a week. He relished that she didn't have to go to bed with a strange man and dreaded what would happen to her once they left. She was too soft, too trusting for the line of work she was in. He watched her sleep mostly, only daring to kiss her gently after she told him they had to do something other than look at each other.

So there they sat, hand-in-hand, trying to enjoy their last week together. Zoe looked to them sadly. She knew their kind didn't have much luck with that type of tryst. She had been happy enough to live these ten years with the memories and ghost of Wash. It wasn't the loneliness that saddened her most of the time. It was the constant suffering of those around her. It had been the reason she joined up with the Independents in the first place. She could not abide human suffering. Perhaps she was in the wrong line of work.

Kaylee and Simon sat contentedly, she in his lap and his hand resting on her stomach which had only in the last few days begun to round out the slightest bit. River said she could see it sometimes but it was still the tiniest flutter in the corners of her mind. But it was there and it was strong. She wasn't sure yet but she confided in her sister in law excitedly that there may be two. Medical intervention might have been necessary to confirm or deny her inkling.

The two finished their song and everyone went back to their quiet chatter. Kaylee talking excitedly with Petaline about the baby, Zoe and Simon listening in and nodding when appropriate. Caleb showed Mal how high he could kick in a flurry of little boy energy. River caught Jayne looking at the boy.

"I can't you know," she told him.

"Yeah, figured," he said, picking up a bottle and taking a long swig.

"They took that away from me. No distractions for their killing machine. Don't be mad. They paid with their lives." She took the bottle from him and drank deeply.

-o0o-

Later that night she woke, startled. She sat bolt-upright and tried to catch her breath. She felt a hand creep up to her shoulder and grabbed it by the wrist, twisting it away from her.

"Hey," a voice said, "it's me."

"Jayne," she asked, looking around. "She can't see you."

"I'm right next to you, Moony. Yer here."

"She's slipping," River started to whimper and let herself be tucked under his chin and into his hairy chest. "Heal her."

"Shh," he lifted a heavy hank of brown hair off her shoulder and flicked it behind her back. "Yer right here with me." Her hands started to wander down below the waistband of his boxers when he stopped her.

"No, no this is okay," she assured him frantically. "You can heal her. You can make her better."

"Not like this," he whispered, holding her tightly so she couldn't move her arms. He kept his grip firm but affectionate so she wouldn't kill him. He'd only just escaped that. "When she's back we can get down ta that."

"It could bring her back," she argued. She studied his face for a moment and something flashed across her eyes. "You love me, don't you?"

"Yeah," he relented. "I do."

There was a long silence between them, leaving the words hanging in the thick air between them. All but said.

"I'm back," she sighed, her body relaxing. "I'm back. Thank you."

"Anytime, Crazy," he ran his hand up and down her back.

"It'll always be this way."

"Yeah, I know. Love ya anyways."

"...I love you too, Apeman."

They fell asleep holding each other, her breath tickling his neck and his snores stirring her hair.

-o0o-

It wasn't until two days later did they finally kiss. It was completely unexpected when they were walking back to the brothel from the ship after Echo and Sharee came to relieve them from their watch. River just stopped walking, letting Jayne gain a few steps before jumping onto his back and demanding a piggy back ride. He reached behind him and swung her in his arms around to the front and pressed his lips to hers. The kiss was unsure. The kiss of two people who hadn't done it in a very long time or even at all. Perhaps one opened their mouth too wide or another bit the lip too hard. When they pulled away from each other they were standing in front of Mal who just shook his head and walked away muttering:

"Gorram pleasure cruiser I'm runnin."

He let his partner down and they walked in to the kitchen to find Bex sitting at the table, nursing a cup of tea.

"Been missin ya in my bed, sugarpie," she winked at him. River stuck her tongue out at her as she lead Jayne up the stairs.

"You really think I'm prettier than her," River said amazed by the fact.

"Bex is nice. And she's pretty fer a whore. But you-"

"Athena," she smiled up at him, pulling the comparison from his mind.

"Yeah. Goddess. Warrior," he kissed her deeply.

"Hercules," she moaned.

"More like Achilles, babygirl. And right here," he nudged her legs apart as he lay her on the bed and positioned himself between them, fully clothed, "might as well be my gorram heel. Shoulda never taught me those fancy stories."

"Myths. You've been distracted by it for years," she mused. "All that pretty girlflesh achin' ta be touched," she remembered from his dream. Nightmare.

"Ya all there," he asked, lifting her shirt up over her stretched arms.

"All here," she let out a sigh as he bit her nipple through the thin fabric of her bra.

"So perfect," he thought. She smiled as his thoughts worshiped her and his heart sang of his love. "So beautiful."

They tore each other's clothes off and he took her the first time against the back of the door in the little bedroom they'd been sharing. He lifted her hips to meet his and she wrapped one leg around him, throwing the other effortlessly over his shoulder.

"Flexible," she smiled when his eyes went wide.

Petaline knocked on the door and tried to politely inform them that they were making a racket and please stick to the bed when rutting like animals.

The second time was in the shower, when they were attempting to clean themselves up from the first time. Jayne nearly slipped and busted his head open on the edge of the steel tub. As they got out they could hear Kaylee complain that they were going to use up all the lovely hot water.

The third time that day was in the bed and it was slow, less needful, and much more intense. By the end she was too sore to orgasm anymore but he found relief yet again inside her. He drove into her like she had the only thing in the world he wanted between her legs. As he pulsed inside her she let out a shuddery breath and kissed his forehead as he panted out her name.

-o0o-

Downstairs Sharee stared at the ceiling dreamily when she should have been drying the barware. Echo, who had been helping her, followed her gaze and coughed softly to get her attention.

"Sorry," she giggled, returning to her work. "That big man and that tiny girl are really in love?"

"They act like it. They have been as long as I've known them," he recalled. "I didn't want to see it for a while. I used to have a thing for her but she's complicated. She's not my type. I see that now."

"Ya think anyone's ever gunna fall in love with me?"

"I think that'd be a real easy thing to do," he told her with a smile. She smiled back and continued lining up the gleaming glasses.

The Doctor and his wife came in and sat on the stools at the bar.

"Well," Simon started, "I am going to need the biggest, strongest drink you have to forget what I just heard."

"Oh hush," Petaline said coming in a far door, "I remember when you two were just as bad. Had to rebuild that entire bed frame, you two. Besides if somethin didn't happen soon between those two I'm sure their head were going to explode." She wrapped her kimono around herself tightly and had Sharee tie her Obi belt. She was getting ready for another busy night, all done up with black eye liner and a vivid red lip paint.

"Oh, ya look so pretty, Pet," Kaylee fussed. Can ya do up my face like that too?"

"Sure," the women went away, arm-in-arm. Simon looked after them then turned to Echo.

"Lucky you were down here," Simon said taking a drink.

"Thin floors, Doc. 'Sides, no escape once we're on ship," he answered, helping Sharee with the top shelf glasses. He looked down on the girl, her oceanic eyes tilted up to him. He felt maybe the two upstairs didn't have a bad idea.

-o0o-

The new lovers dozed for the evening, until the sound of glass breaking woke them. They hurriedly got dressed and rushed down to the main part of the house, where the bar was kept to find one of Petaline's girls laying in a ruin of shattered shelves. Jayne found the culprit and grabbed him by the back of his shirt and escorted him out none too gently.

With a hard punch to the face he sent the man on his way, warning him that if he beat up on girls one more time Jayne would see to it he was murdered in his bed.

River rushed over to the dark haired girl laying among the broken glasses and ruins of shelving. It was the young girl Echo had engaged for the week, Sharee. Her and Zoe managed to brush the glass out her hair and bring her to Simon who was running in with his med kit.

"I'm sorry," she sobbed as Simon tweezed glass out of her eyebrow, "I told him I weren't available and he kept after me. He was so angry! Oh Petaline's going to be so cross and turn me out! Oh where will I go? My Paw and brothers, they need that money I bring in!"

"Now she aint going to turn you out, little one," Zoe took the soothing tone she used with River. "I'm sure she's seen this kind of thing before. Shelves can be replaced, you can't."

Back in the parlor, all the girls (and a few of the customers) were helping to clean up the mess.

"Some men think they can push us round cos we're whores," one muttered bitterly.

"She shouldn'ta been down here if she weren't workin," another blamed.

"Girls," Petaline clapped her hands sharply, "remember what I told you when you came here. United front. We're sisters, not competition. Now get sweepin."

Echo assured her: "Simon's real handy with a needle. Ship shape in no time, girl." He wanted to stow her away until they left, only revealing her presence once they were far enough into the Black so Mal couldn't turn her out.

"I should have stayed upstairs," she sobbed again, "but...I was so nervous bout...you know. I just needed a little drink to fortify myself. Make myself brave." His face fell. He felt awful for that. He wanted to assure her how much he liked her and suggested perhaps they made love but she was apprehensive in a shrinking way he thought may have been the act she put on for customers.

Later that night before she went to bed, her voice husky from crying and painkillers she whispered that she was nervous because she liked him so much. That she wished he was from there, and he could uphold their traditions. He could steal her, claim her his helpmate and bedwife. His heart clenched and twisted for her. She pretended she wasn't after a better life because she deep down thought she wasn't any better than what she had but there was that glimmer of hope in her voice that killed him.

He found Jayne a while later, standing outside the kitchen door enjoying a cigar.

"Hey," he smiled at the younger man, "how is she?"

"Sleeping," he motioned for the bottle in Jayne's hand. He swung it over to the Pilot. "What do you know about bride stealing?"

"That yer not doin it. But it has to be sanctioned by local government, now I'm sure."

"And how did someone like you find that out?"

"Drunk men only tell the truth. And even lawmen need a drink. After River's 21st birthday we was all drinkin on some dust bowl rock and she were lookin all sorts of shiny. Then I saw her make off with this guy. Now I weren't jealous or nothin but I felt a mighty need to know bout stealin a girl. Weren't jealous though."

"But now you have her."

"Aint never lettin go neither. Mal and Nara carried on fer years. She survived a long while. Sharee will too, whores are made of tougher stuff."

"She's not," he took another swig from the bottle. "She's a sweet farmgirl with a passel of brothers and a Paw who loves her."

"And they dependin on her money I'm guessin. Ya wanna ruin 15 lives fer the love of one?"

"Wouldn't you?"

The big man paused for a moment and stared off into the night sky. "Yeah," he smirked, "guess I would."

-o0o-

"She won't be fit to be seen now, Mal," Petaline told him before bedding down. "Big ol scar running down one side of her face? That'll put them off. What am I going to do with her?"

"You aint going to turn her out," Mal asked her.

"Course not. Girl can barely write her name and has a bunch of people dependin on her. But I can't pay and house a maid. She needs to be pulling in some real money. I gotta cover my ass every month so we can keep our operation nice and legitimate."

"I might have an idea."


	7. Chapter 7

Echo was preparing the ship for another stretch in the Black, headed back to Persephone. He lamented having to leave Sharee in such a state. His grief was only compounded by the fact that Jayne and River were taking every opportunity to rut noisily when they thought they were alone on the ship. He walked in on an interesting scene in the co-pilot's chair a few nights ago. During his watch he wiped the chair down with some of Simon's industrial strength disinfectant. When relaying the story to Zoe she just laughed.

"Boy," she placed a hand on his shoulder, "I've had sex on every surface of this cockpit. Have fun." She left, the heels of her boots clicked jauntily on the metal floor. He shivered, wondering what kind of man had the nerve to bed the Warrior.

"A small, happy man who wore bright shirts and played with children's toys," River told him suddenly. She popped up in the strangest of places. She swung herself down from her hiding spot. "Not crazy," she informed him. "Playing hide and seek with Caleb. He's very good so I've had to take to hiding in more creative spaces. He's given up, gone home for lunch."

"Small as in short," he asked curiously.

"Shorter than her. She loved him though. He made her laugh. We all loved him," she remembered with a sad smile on her face. "I am a leaf on the wind..."

He backed away slowly as if she were about to launch into another episode. He reached for his comm to summon Simon.

"No," she said carefully, "he said that the last time." She walked away, swinging her hips and snapping her fingers happily. They were all getting a bit twitchy staying dirtside for so long. Even his feet itched and as sad as he was to leave Sharee, he was very happy to be on his way.

A few hours later they were set to go. Mal thanked Petaline for her hospitality and promised the next visit would not be a dire one. She winked and gave him a tight hug. She and Caleb gave everyone their goodbyes and Sharee came out with her small bag packed.

"Where do you think you're going," Echo asked her.

"Mal's hired me on," she said proudly. "Said my head for numbers could be useful-like. May not read but I can do big numbers all in my head no problem. Had to on the farm for Paw."

"Are you serious!?"

"You don't want me there?"

"No! Not that. I'm just," he paused and hugged her. He lead her into the ship waving his hands about and chatting happily. "Ya ever seen a take off before?" They disappeared into the ship still talking excitedly.

"You big softy," Zoe accused Mal with a nudge.

"Yeah, yeah. Going to give them that all too effective 'no shipboard romance' speech that everyone pays real good attention to," he shot Kaylee, Simon, River and Jayne an annoyed look.

-o0o-

They were three weeks on ship when River woke up, her head heavy and eyes raw.

"How long," she asked Sharee, who was sat next to the bed.

"Just an hour this time, jiejie," the young girl smiled and stroked her hand. "You kept it together long enough to get yourself the meds and to bed."

"Did I yell at anyone?"

"Just a bit at Mal but who's to say he didn't have it coming anyways?" River smiled at the younger girl. She had fit into their dynamic a lot easier than Echo did at first. River felt Jayne outside the hatch with Simon. "They both wanted me to tell them-"

"Send Simon down first to check me," she told her.

Simon climbed down and took her vitals, smiling shakily.

"You okay," she asked him.

"I should be asking you, that meimei," he said, sticking a thermometer in her ear until it beeped. "Just worried when you walked out suddenly. Then Zoe found you asleep in your bed. We were just a bit startled. You'd been doing so well."

"Had a little one on Deadwood," she informed him. "In the middle of the night. Jayne made it go away."

"I don't want to know-"

"Oh Buddha not like that! He just made it better. I think maybe I should breach the co-habitation issue with him. It may cut down on the amount of meds I need."

"You're an adult. And he is...kind of. You two talk it out."

He sent Jayne down after leaving.

"Hey Moony, ya there," he asked, hugging her.

"Yup all here," she smiled and inhaled his earthy scent. He kissed her head. "What set it off this time? I can't remember."

"I got a letter from Ma," he told his partner. "She were askin if we planned on gettin married or livin in sin fer the rest of our natural lives."

"Oh," they separated and sat side-by-side on her bed. "I hope you inform her of the decision soon. Would hate for your lovely yet cantankerous mother to have a cardiac event over little old me."

"Which would you like," he asked her.

"I was going to see how you felt about cohabitation. Or living in sin to use your mother's colorful colloquialism."

"Huh?"

"Want to move in to my bunk? Yours is gross and smells weird."

"Yeah it does," he smiled. "I could like livin in sin if it's with ya."

-o0o-

Six months later:

Kaylee gave birth to her twins in the Black en route to a job and was insisting on getting out of her childbed mere hours after to check the engine. Once she was satisfied that everything was being taken care of by their resident genius she fussed her little ones and told Simon she could easily have another four or five happily. The Doctor turned pale at the suggestion.

Sharee liked to sit beside the Pilot while he flew, darning socks and sewing little baby things for Kaylee's two: Derry and Nara. They were on a course to Greenleaf to see Kaylee's folks.

"Is the Black everything you hoped it'd be," he asked her one night.

"It's colder than I expected," she smiled down at her work. "But nothing a sweater can't fix. I don't think I'd like it much with just any old crew. Captain Mal is awful kind, if a bit ornery sometimes. And Kaylee and River have become like the sisters I never had. Zoe and Jayne make us all feel safe. And I have you. You're just about the best friend I've ever had."

"Friend," he asked.

"Yeah. You know, spend time together and you're nice to me and you tell me I'm pretty and you taught me to read. You don't call me stupid or shout none."

"Oh," he said disappointed.

"But if I'm honest," she leaned in to whisper at him, "I am a bit disappointed you didn't steal me from my bed on Deadwood. Couldn't think of someone better to be stolen by."

"You meant that?"

"Sure did," she smiled. "But I guess it's too late now. Can only steal a girl if she's underage. I'm near 21."

"Oh yeah," he grinned. "And when do you turn of age?"

"Next week. Why?"

"Well besides I have to whip you up something for your birthday, I was wondering how much time I had left to steal you."

She jumped up giggling. "Oh you wouldn't dare, Echo!" He set the autopilot and jumped up after her.

"Oh I would too," he ran after her, catching her around her waist, tossing her over his shoulder. "Mal," he called playfully. "I've stolen myself a bride, come marry us!" She squealed and demanded to be let down immediately. He set her down and she smoothed her long skirt. "Fine," he told her. "I'll wait until you're of age and ask you proper then."

River stirred in their bed, nudging Jayne with her foot.

"They say we're noisy," she grumbled.

"Yeah. They're annoyin. We're not like that right," he asked, and wrapped his arms around her.

"No. We're scary. Stop. Too tired."

"Weren't you."

"If it wasn't you're in trouble, Apeman."

"Fine. Sorry. Sleep now."

-o0o-

The Frye homestead was nothing like Simon and River expected. A large, sprawling farmhouse on acres of lush property. The white house had a wrap around porch with swinging seats and hammocks strung up for relaxing in. Mrs. Frye was Kaylee in 25 years down to the mischievous glint in her hazel eyes and the large front teeth so prominent in her bright smile. Mr. Frye looked bone tired as his other four daughters pushed past him to greet their eldest sister and her new babes, but gave Simon a knowing grin. They had the noisiest dinner Mal and Zoe had ever attended, including their time in the Independent Army.

After they ate, they headed back to the ship minus Simon and Kaylee who were staying with her folks. Back on the ship Echo found River crying in the galley.

"Hey Riv," he sat next to her, rubbing her back, "what's wrong girl?"

"Sharee," she sniffed, "she's upset about her face. Big scar. Used to be so pretty. No wonder he didn't steal me." She wiped her eyes on the back of her hand.

He thought for a moment then ran to find her, happening upon the girl in one of the shuttles, she was stroking the side of her face that had a deep scar running from the edge of her eyebrow to her jaw. She stopped when she realized she wasn't alone anymore.

"Hello," she smiled, trying to be brave.

"Lay on that bed," he told her, leaving to stand outside the shuttle. "You in?"

"Yes but what-" she was cut off by Echo gathering her up in his arms and carrying her off the ship. "Where are you taking me?"

"The courthouse. I've stolen ya. You're mine now." She giggled and rested her head on his shoulder, smiling. She wrapped her arms around his neck and let him walk her off to the Judge. They passed Mal and Zoe on the way and the older man just threw up his arms.

"No one listens on this gorram ship! I'm firin all ya," he shouted after the couple.

"No you're not, Sir. No one else in the 'Verse will put up with you," Zoe chuckled.

-o0o-

"Aint 'xactly legal but we know ya could use it," Mal slid a sample of the contraband to the older woman who sat across from him with one hand. The other had his pistol trained on her under the table. She didn't have a great track record with not shooting him. "200 Platinum and it's all yours." He knew his killers were in the wings and Zoe sat beside him, a calming stone sentinel.

"Marked or no," the woman's crepe-paper face twisted into an unsettling smile, "protein is protein. And we're practically starvin out here. But, I aint payin. Haven't you learned anything Reynolds?" She signaled for her cronies to detain the two traffickers but none came. Jayne instead came out of the shadows, dragging the two men by their collars, River behind him holstered her still smoking gun.

"Money. Now," the smaller woman said, cocking her head slightly and placing a hand on her knife. The behemoth next to her threw the bodyguards to the floor. They were sporting impressive bullet wounds on their shoulders. "Patch job," she informed everyone. "15% chance of death." The older woman lifted her tattered stetson and handed over the payment.

"Well that weren't so hard now," Mal smiled at her then turned and left. "I'm gettin shot up a lot less these days, haven't ya noticed?"

"Very good sir," Zoe congratulated him sarcastically, pressing her comm to call for Echo to pick them up.

It was Sharee who met them at the Mercantile with the Mule. They had taught her to drive it in while on Greenleaf and she relished the freedom it gave her.

"Get paid," she asked brightly. Her homespun, wholesome dresses had been replaced by hardwearing denim trousers and the same white shirts Echo favored. Her feet were stuffed into a pair of brown and blue boots that ranchers usually wore. River noted that Echo's shirts no longer sported the yellowing stains at the neck and arms. Having a wife who knew how to do laundry was doing his appearance well.

"Of course," Jayne told her.

"Shiny," she smiled and drove them back to the ship. She had a thing for driving fast and taking corners sharply, her black hair gleaming like Hematite in the sun as it blew wildly behind her. She had taken surprisingly well to life as an outlaw and had quite a strategic mind to everyone's surprise.

Kayle greeted them with Derry wiggling around in her arms as he held his hands out to his Aunt River. The twins were now 8 months old and crawling all over anything they could find. River lifted her nephew and spun him around, settling the boy in her arms and nuzzling his light brown hair.

"Go tell Simon no patches needed," she said happily to her sister in law.

Zoe hit the button to close the ramp, smiling and taking one last breath of fresh air and followed them into the ship.

Sharee ran off to sit with her husband at take off, as was their little tradition. Mal lifted Nara over his head and flew her around like a shuttle while the little babe squealed with delight. River and Jayne sat next to each other, disassembling their weapons and cleaning them, touching just at the thighs. Simon and Kaylee sat chatting at the galley table, Derry bouncing on his Daddy's knee. Zoe walked off to her bunk to rest a spell.

She is woken hours later by a shout ringing through the ship. She climbed up to find Jayne and Mal in the corridor as well, looking for the source of the noise.

"That way," Jayne's tracker ears picked up the direction. They rushed to the cargo bay to see River curled in a ball on the floor. Her hands covered by her ears while she screamed.

Sharee and Kaylee come up behind them, eyes wide and sleep deprived. Simon must have been off preparing her remedy.

"Hey girl," Jayne approaches carefully, "why ya layin on the ground. Our bed is warm."

"I can't," she sobs. "I can't. You're dreaming too loud of things we can't have!" She let out another scream and curled tighter into her defensive ball. Simon hands Jayne the needle with a cap on it and left them alone while he urged the crew to do the same.

"Hey," he crouched down beside her, "hey now Moony they just dreams. Don't mean nothin."

"They mean everything," she cried, digging her hands further into her hair. "Stop!"

Usually he could just hold her while she cried, letting the episode run its course then she'd return to the woman he fell in love with. But deep down she never ceased to be that broken thing that had crawled out of the cryobox 11 years ago. He pulled her on to his lap and held her tightly, as if he could transfer some of his sanity to her. As if his love could fix her.

"Nothing can fix me," she told him once she had calmed down. Her eyes still held the glaze of insanity but her voice was steady and calm.


	8. Epilogue

-o0o-

Five years later:

It was hard for him to watch when she got like this. She'd start to babble then her face would go blank. The calm before the storm they'd say. Her mouth would go wide and her mocha eyes would begin to spill over. The wails that could pierce an eardrum went straight through him.

"Sharee," Jayne bellowed, "come git yer daughter. Aint changin her diaper again! Someone? Help?"

"Awww, baby Zoe," River sang, plucking the newborn out of the large man's arms, "did the stink of Uncle Jayne make you cry? Come on babygirl Aunt River will clean you up." She smiled as she carried the baby away. It was so tiny, wrapped in a pink rag quilt Sharee had managed to sew between jobs.

River had eventually overcome the sadness of not being able to breed strong little Tam/Cobb hybrids and was a devoted Aunt to Derry, Nara, and little Zoe.

They were docking on Electra in a week for an extended stay in the settlement of Locksley, for Jayne's sister's wedding. He was reminded constantly by his mother that his baby sister was getting married before him.

"I can't say I haven't wondered if you two were going to," Simon told him one night while the rest of the ship slept. "But my sister's a grown woman and you're...well you're old. If you decided to I'd have no problem with it. You stuck with her through her entire recovery." The cure wasn't a miracle but it had been three years since her last episode. It wasn't immediate but quietly and ever so slowly they stopped counting the days and weeks between her episodes. One morning she rolled over to smile at him, kissed him with morning breath and sighed happily. It was then that he felt like he was seeing her for the first time, truly. They eyes that had been glazed and wide were sparkling with intelligence and fearlessness.

"Mmmmm," she snuggled into his bare chest, "Achilles." She kissed him again.

"Athena," he wrapped his arms around her tightly, breathing in the cinnamon smell of her hair. He wondered if this was it. Was this the end of it all?

"Won't speak too soon," she pressed her hips to his, "but I think so." They made love that morning like they had back on Deadwood all those years ago. With complete clarity and an animal urgency. It was the first time in years it wasn't desperate and wanting with him trying to make her sane with his love.

After when they gathered in the galley for breakfast he watched her pouring coffee, clad in one of his shirts and her small black shorts she used for sparring. She looked better than she had in years, even though her hair was matted at the back. When Echo saw the state of her he started singing some song about sex hair.

"Where's little Zoe," Sharee interrupted his reminiscence.

"Riv took her to get cleaned up," he told the mother. "Not my turn fer diapers."

-o0o-

Mal followed his crew out to the Cobb homestead, distinctly missing their Warrior. Zoe had died shortly after the twins turned three. Simon gave them some medical babble about embolisms and how it was quick and there was nothing anyone could have done. He couldn't help but feel after all the woman had been through perhaps after Wash's death her life had become one big waiting period until they could be together again. In the years since their funny Pilot died he'd not known her to take lovers, only finding peace in the fact that they were busy, had jobs and cash aplenty, and their little family was safe.

"They can be together now," River said sadly as she placed a late summer rose on the grave that matched Wash's. Kaylee cried for months after when one of her babes would crawl into her lap and ask when Aunt Zoe was coming home. Even Jayne shed a few tears. No one took it harder than Mal who felt like he'd lost a bloodsister.

"I never knew my Maw," Sharee told him late one night as they flew toward their new destination. "Zoe was standoffish and cool but she had a big heart. I liked to think sometimes she was my Maw. Strong and willful and smart, that's how I'd have wanted my Maw to be. I'll miss her."

Mal told River she'd have to be his second now. He passed over Jayne because of his age and the Merc's inextinguishable temper.

"No bad blood, men," River told them sternly. "It was the logical choice and I refuse to have our family torn apart because of it. Shake hands and be nice."

They did what she asked because frankly, she was scary.

The wedding went off with only a few inquiries as to when the two Mercenaries were going to follow suit.

"Not havin my son livin in sin with a girl near young enough to be his daughter," she scolded Jayne after the party had wrapped up. "You think cos yer not marryin' him ya can't be a widow, prettygirl?" She wagged a finger at River, knowingly. Radiant Cobb wasn't a mind reader but it didn't seem too long ago she had been a young woman in love.

"She has a point," River shrugged. "Might as well, right?"

-o0o-

"Not exactly stealin ya from yer bed or the fussy white weddin Simon and Kaylee had," he made excuses as they walked into the Registrar in Locksley's town center. They filled in the forms and a small old man stamped them.

"If I liked those things, I'd have let you know by now," she rolled her eyes and signed her married name on the line with a flourish under Jayne's scrawled signature. "Simple. To the point. Jayne."

"Now onta the fun part," he dragged her from the hall, waving the piece of paper over his head. "Honeymoon!"

She caught his thoughts. All the positions and different pieces of furniture they could utilize in the small hotel room he had rented for them. She smiled wickedly and placed a kiss on his neck. "Stop. Wait until we get inside."


End file.
